my word, and my balls...

at the risk of looking like a bad friend, i booked my ticket to medellin thinking i might have to save my friend. it´s not that i didn´t believe her when she would tell me about her life, but i would be lying if i said that i thought there wasn´t a baghdad-esque feel to the entire idea. this was all before the nuns.

landing in a steamy aeropuerto with drug sniffing dogs lurking around my lady-parts while a 17 yr old in an officer´s uniform with an AK-47 asks me whether i am married was actually exactly what i expected when landing in a third world country. what i did not expect was for the stereotype to end there. getting into a transport van toward medellin, the only other passengers were a stunning, maria conchita-alonso lookalike who was definitely going for a more low-key look in her nun´s habit, and her mother superior doing her best sophia petrillo impression. they immediately asked me where i was going and told me how much the peso was worth vs the dollar and how to 'just say no' in spanish. when they realized how tragic my spanglish was they took pity on me and instructed the driver where to go, which i almost took offense to since my friends in the Bronx think my spanish is the shit, but i decided to let it go. when maria gets off, sophia stays and tells me that she is getting off where i am. when she gets off and hails a cab for me then proceeds to get into the cab with me, i realize she said that she is taking me to my destination. i didn't want to seem cynical, but it looked a lot like i had my own divine bodyguard. cue the 'jesus is my co-pilot' theme song.



arriving at the hostel and meeting all the ppl jahan was living with, i got it completely. i could not have been made to feel more welcome by the cast of characters of an off-broadway play circa 1977 better than i was here. you have the wacky, fake grumpy, heart-of-gold manager german who calls everyone 'bitch' so much that everyone starts to answer to it. (guilty!). you have the gentle giant emmanuel who is shaq tall but of course i felt like i frightened him away (to be fair, i was naked at the time, so who can blame the poor guy). the ethereal beauties, aurora and lilliana, warm house mother viviana, little brother ryan, and of course, lisa bonet rounding out the cast. i was waiting for everyone to break out into song at some point, but instead we just got a whole lot of talk about politics, relationships, books, sex, food, and of course, arepas. still a sore subject, but i'll agree to disagree on that with you, aurora :)

the only 'activity' i actually got up to was paragliding which is right up there on the adrenaline scale as filing your taxes.... it was nice to see the city from up high but i probably could have gone to the top of the highest mountain and spun around in circles until i made myself dizzy for about 70mil less than what they robbed me for at the paragliding place. bitter, party of one....
the best was going to a concert for a group i've never heard of before, who sang songs i could not understand with shout outs that were lost on me, and it was THE SHIT! met my future husband, he just doesn't know it yet. let's just hope this one doesn't know how to obtain a restraining order...

concluding thoughts:
i think it was the large pharmaceutical distribution representative Tony Montana who once said, 'all i have in this world is my word and my balls, and i don't break them for nobody.'
i came to medellin as a test of whether i could keep my word to my friend and it ended up testing my balls. i feel like both are unbreakable.
gracias los gentes del casa del sol, jahan y medellin...
¡viva colombia!